How to Prepare Yourself for a Family Dinner: Understanding Cultural Differences, Conversations, and Etiquette

The end of summer also means a return to indoor dining, which is much less informal and relaxed than outdoor dining.

If you're living in France with a French lover, you've probably already been confronted with those famous family meals where everyone talks at the same time, speaks passionately and sometimes makes jokes you don't understand.

For many foreign partners, these moments can be exhausting and frustrating. How can you take part in a conversation without immediately feeling lost, while respecting French social codes?

In this article, I give you some tips on how to navigate these discussions and feel less lonely.

Before we start, I must warn you.

Here I'm going to talk about general aspects and commonly accepted rules, but as I always remind you, these rules are commonly respected but not absolute. Not all families are completly traditional, and some rules depend on where you live. However, this may give you a broader view of French culture.

Tip 1 - Be prepared to feel the mental fatigue caused by multiple conversations in French.

You've probably noticed that, at a dinner party, following several conversations at the same time is exhausting.

Listening to different people speak at different speeds, talking at the same time, quickly changing the subject and at the same time trying to understand the jokes and innuendos is a real challenge.

It requires a lot of concentration, especially if French is not your first language. This effort can lead to what's known as mental fatigue.

But rest assured, as in sports, the more you train, the more you improve your ability to follow and understand several conversations.

➡️ You need to concentrate on one conversation at a time, ideally one that's close to you so you don't have to strain your listening, and minimize other conversations that interfere with your listening.

Don't feel obliged to follow the whole conversation. When you get tired, take a break! I assure you, you probably won't miss anything important! These conversations are rarely vital !!!!

Tips Bonus: Don't try to make deep sense of these conversations - they're usually just a way of remaking the world.

Tip 2 - Prepare yourself for the topics that may come up

Keep up to date with the latest news, ask your partner what topics these people are generally talking about, and prepare yourself by rereading your notes if you've already covered these topics, or by reading an article in French on these topics to start immersing yourself.

If you want to feel confident about having meaningful discussions, join our conversation workshops.

Tip 3 - Be aware of the difficulty of intervening in a conversation in French between people who are familiar with each other.

At family dinners (or between friends), it's common for everyone to be talking at the same time. It can be very difficult to find an opening to give your opinion, especially if you don't have confidence in your French.

The general rule is that whoever speaks loudest gets the floor. That's why, as the evening progresses, everyone speaks louder and louder...

You have two options:

keep quiet

you speak even louder than the others!

No, I'm kidding!

Adopt non-verbal communication: your posture and gestures can help you speak up.

Lean forward or towards someone to speak, look the person in the eye, use your hands to make yourself noticed and speak louder.

Don't be offended if people don't listen to you: maybe the discussion is already too lively, maybe they can't hear you. Be patient with yourself !!!!

One last useful tip: Give your opinion to the person next to you, and your conversation will naturally integrate with that of the group.

Tip 4 -Accept your lack of understanding of cultural references and innuendo

In France, discussions are often peppered with cultural, historical or humorous references.

Some jokes or expressions are so deeply rooted in French culture that we forget that they are probably incomprehensible to a foreigner.

Here, there's no secret: you need to have encountered these references to know they exist.

Some cult comedians and humorists to know (in my opinion):

Coluche

Les Inconnus

Louis De Funès

Les Nuls

Les guignols de l'info

Gad Elmaleh

Florence Foresti....

Many expressions are also commonly used. I know that my students loves that ! I regularly introduce some with them.

Are you interested too?

Would you like some “expressions” cards in the products section?

• I would love!!!!
• I don't really care

Tip 5 - beware of cultural differences

We're talking here about two very different things you need to know:

There are “taboo” subjects, not really taboo, but it's not appropriate to talk about them.

And, at the dinner table, there are a LOT of social codes to respect. Especially if your in-laws tend to respect traditions.

1️⃣ In France, certain subjects are considered private.

Certain questions are avoided because they are perceived as intrusive or unwelcome.

You don't ask someone their salary, age or weight (even for a man).

This isn't always true, but on the whole it's true.

2️⃣ Knowing how to “behave at the table” is one of the principles of education.

It depends a lot on the family, but being aware of it helps to avoid faux pas.

If your in-laws tend to respect these principles, here are a few rules you may find hard to understand:

The seating plan. Yes, in principle, you don't sit where you like, but you do follow a rule that depends on the order and gender of your siblings.

If your in-laws follow this principle, it's quite possible that you'll find yourself separated from your partner. And you may find the meal rather long...

Just ask my husband!!! I've been trying to explain the problem to my parents for years, to no avail...

A few rules to know at the table:

Don't forget that I'm talking about rules that are generally known, but not all families respect them. At least, not all of them (fortunately!!!)

- talk a lot! it's a convivial moment.

- If there aren't many of you, you're supposed to wait until everyone has been served before starting.

- eat with your mouth closed

- pass the bread basket around, not a piece in your hand,

- don't put the knife in your mouth

- you can sauce your plate (with bread 😋), which proves that the sauce is good (a large part of French gastronomy comes from the sauce 😉)

- each type of cheese has its own cut, so that the last person to serve it doesn't end up with the rind (and, as a general rule, we don't re-serve ourselves).

Petit bonus : l'art de couper le fromage

In short, how to survive to a Familly Dinner in France ?

Participating in family discussions in France takes practice.

As in sports, the more you practice, the more comfortable you'll become.

The mental fatigue you feel from listening to multiple conversations will become less and less blocking over time, and you'll learn to manage cultural references, innuendo, and even integrate yourself into debates.

Our courses are designed to prepare you for these challenges, giving you the tools to feel more confident and participate actively in these important moments of French social life.

Want to find out more about how to better understand and participate in family discussions in France?

➡️Join us and discover our courses tailored to your needs.

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📢 Before we let you get ready for the next dinner,

here's a list of useful expressions in French to know (🚀for B1 level):

Parler de ses goûts culturels (Talk about your cultural interests) 

Je (ne) suis (pas) sensible à

Je suis touché(e) par

Je suis plutôt attiré(e) par

J'adore

Je suis fan de / Je raffole de

Je suis passionné(e) de

J’ai horreur de

Je suis bon public

Pour donner son point de vue (To give your opinion)

Pour intervenir dans la discussion (To contribute to the discussion)